Snusmumriken

This image is hotlinked from my mother, who posted more photos of me moving. I’m in the process of unpacking the bags now, but I end up spending quite a bit of time in bærum, thus it takes a bit longer than necessary. I feel a bit like Anne from the book hus og hjem by Helle Helle, though I guess her reluctance to unpack is real, while mine is… being somewhere else. I don’t feel like i’ve moved in yet. But I will. I know I will.

It’s weird. On one hand, I can’t wait for life to start again. I want to read and study and feel like I’m heading somewhere. This holiday thing feels like an interlude of sorts, not like life. Not like how life is like. Not even how it’s supposed to be. On the other hand, real life starting is synonymous with Aksel leaving and going back to his real life. It feels a bit weird to have a boyfriend who’s not a part of my real life, and whose real life I’m not a part of. When he comes to visit, the real life stops; there is an interlude; I don’t study much; i interact less with others; it’s as if i want to savour every moment he’s around. It’s like being little, and only being allowed sweets on saturdays. It’s the sweet longing of never getting quite enough. There’s an up and a down to everything. Seeing as I’ve spent most of my life as a single person, I’ve come to enjoy being the centre of my own life. I get that now. But then there’s the longing, and the frequent urge to be somewhere I cannot be.

But it’s summer. It’s warm. I’m having my summer holiday. I should just take it easy. Most of the time, I do. Last sunday, I watched twin peaks with aksel, and I made cherry pie. Yesterday, I had coffee with my uncle. He has a tiny one octave accordion, that I tried to use, but didn’t really manage. I’ve been reading lots of good books and comics. Time is on my side. I’ve got so much of it. Could Life be much better? I really don’t think so.